Week 2 in the cycle is coming to a close – thank goodness! It was a tough week that thankfully took a positive upswing by Friday/Saturday. In addition to anemia this time, I have had a very low white blood cell count (immunity fighting cells), so I’ve had to take some extra precautions to prevent getting sick. With remarkable timing, our oldest child began vomiting early Saturday morning, so she and I have been kept separated until her fever fully passes (hopefully today,) and there has been a lot of Lysol in use.
When I am at my lowest physically, it is hard to stay in good mental spirits. I think I used the word “Ridiculous” 100 times to myself or to Jonathan this week as I struggled to get a 3 minute shower, asked my mom to put food on my plate, grumbled about the trials of the last several months, etc. I think endurance is my biggest challenge now. It seems like this has been going on for a long time, and when you are at the bottom of your reserves, you wonder how in the world you can keep it up.
From reading scripture, praying, observing, etc., I think God is really telling me to calm down, be still, trust Him, patiently wait, and let Him lead me through this. I’m not a patient person, so this is a lesson that is really hard for me to put into practice.
Their strength is to sit still. Isaiah 30:7
Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
I have my two important scans on Thursday. My PET scan will be at 2:30 pm and my MRI will be at 6:15 pm (central time). Please pray that the results show that my treatment is working, that the knots on my forehead are inactive (just leftover fibrotic tissue) and that the doctors can interpret the two scans as remission for my lymphoma. Please pray that I’ll fully trust God, I’ll be patient, I’ll have increased stamina and that I can rest in Him – it is exhausting trying to control something that’s impossible to control! 🙂
In lighter news, I have a wig now. I’ve had it for a few weeks. It actually looks pretty good. When I get a good picture, I’ll post it. I think it’s funny because when our little boy first saw me wear it he asked, “Who pulled your hair out?” (Like pulled it out of my head and made it long.) 🙂 I switch between hats, scarves and occasionally the wig, which he refers to as my “hair hat”. I’m thankful for the smiles the kids put on my face by just doing normal kid stuff – like our tweens making their own fashion choices, and confidently saying goodbye to me at 7:50 am with sunglasses and a mix of seasons/prints/colors as their clothing choice. Inspires me to have a little fun with my scarves, hats and ‘hair hat’ as I head out of the house – why not be creative and try not to blend in so much?
We love you so much….I will see you this coming weekend for the start of round four. Keep us posted about Thursday. As for the pictures of the girls…I don’t see a single thing wrong. They look very stylish (and this is from someone who STILL believes in a perfect match of shoes and purses!!!).
The girls are as beautiful as ever! We had that nasty bug and that is why I delivered your food via others!! Not taking any chances around you!! Thursday I will be in constant prayer and believing 100% that this is in remission. God is definitely in control and praying you can feel him every step of the way! Scarves, hats, wigs, bald, doesn’t matter bc you are absolutely beautiful no matter what!!! Love you!!!
Kids are so funny and sweet. Taxing, yes but they can be a positive distraction. How blessed and privileged you are to have a solid husband and loving children. And how many can say they have a large church cheering them on. And then there’s God…He’s pretty important!
We really are cheering you on because you are in a grueling marathon and you can’t see the finish line. We know you need alot of encouragement. But you are doing great! You have become God’s witness of His strength in your weakness. You are literally passing one of the greatests tests written for your life since before you were born. Like Job, you will be able to look back on this time relieved that you yielded to the Spirit and magnified God instead of cursing Him. When you’re so weak you have to ask for someone to serve your food, or when you don’t want to face the mirror, hear the Spirit inside you shout because your flesh is defeated and your spirit is renewed, alive and thriving! You are a blessing to us and your family is a fine example of faithfulness. Remember how thankful you are to have so much. We know you’re tired and we’ll keep holding you up as long as it takes, but remember above all else, you’re winning and you will win if you don’t faint.
Father it’s out desire that you have already written good news into these upcoming test results. But we don’t know your special plans. You created our bodies to live and fight to live and this is what we wish for April. Please accomplish your will in her life while making her body whole once and for all. Give her years of happiness with her family and friends until you gather us together at once in the end. We ask for this blessing in Jesus’ name.
We will be praying especially for you on Thursday. I think you should definitely take a fashion cue from the girls. Who wants to look boring?